Crossover
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: Based on my Alternative Canon universe, trouble brews as the canon Naruto universe comes into contact with another, and crossover begins.
1. Naruto's Weird Day

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

A crash of thunder, a nearly blinding light, and Sasuke Uchiha found himself falling off a nearby cliff with an orange and black body going with him.

"SASUKE!" Screamed Karin above, as they plunged into the forest far below.

Crashing through various trees, Sasuke grimaced and activated the Sharingan, quickly and skillfully jumping through, using his chakra control (through his Sharingan) to kill his momentum. He landed on the ground with his sword out, ready to run his assailant through as he landed.

And land he did.

_WHAM!_ Chakra waved out of the man through the ground, distributing the impact. Even so, he left a fairly sizable crater, and made the ground shake.

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked flatly. "Do you know who I am?" He asked.

The ninja stood up, rubbing the back of a familiar messy mop of blond hair. The red spiral on the back of his black jacket was familiar, as were the whisker marks and bright blue eyes as the ninja turned around. Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Naruto."

"Owww... Fuck, that hurt!" Naruto groaned, rubbing the back of his head. He glanced up at Sasuke and blinked, confusion written into his features.

"Sasuke? ... What the hell are you wearing?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "My vestments have not changed since last we met."

"... Oh... Kay...?" Naruto said, blinking again. He looked around, entirely unconcerned that Sasuke had his sword out and pointed at him.

"Just where are we, anyway?"

"... Hi no Kuni. Off the main road to Konoha. Whatever this deception of yours, it will not work," Sasuke said in quiet arrogance. Naruto blinked at him again, and then chuckled.

"Are you kidding? Off the main road? Yeah right! If it was the main road, then where's Ho-oh Railway?" He pointed in the distance to a ridge. "No railway! You must have taken a hard hit on the head when we fell."

Sasuke frowned. Naruto's body language seemed... Completely wrong. The Naruto he knew was always tense around him, determined, angry. This Naruto seemed entirely at ease around him.

"Seriously, we need to cut Sakura's research budget. Somehow. Or get her a boyfriend, keep her sexed up so she doesn't pull this 'the physical laws of the universe are arbitrary' crap." Naruto looked back at Sasuke with a frown.

"What's with the silent treatment?"

"... You're even more idiotic than you were before," Sasuke said flatly. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Okay, you must have _really_ hit your head. What, your emotions turn off or something?" Naruto shook his head. "Or Sakura's latest stunt did this, can't rule that out and-"

_Sharingan_ Sasuke activated, and locked eyes with Naruto. _Tsukiyomi!_

In a moment he was the genjutsu with an even more confused looking Naruto.

"Fool, you are in Tsukiyomi," Sasuke stated. "For 72 hours, you will-"

"Eh? Since when could you do this?" Naruto asked in disbelief. He scowled at Sasuke. "Also, why the hell are you using it on me?"

"... I'm going to break your mind, you idiot," Sasuke said, feeling his emotional control begin to slip. Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"Oh... Kay... Sasuke, you do recall what happened the _last_ time you tried this shit with me?"

"I beat back the Kyuubi, it is of no help to you," Sasuke replied. Naruto blinked, and the sky above turned deadly crimson.

"BREAK THE DAMN JUTSU YOU IDIOT! NOW!" Naruto roared, as the red chakra of the Kyuubi flooded Sasuke's mind. The Uchiha's eyes widened as the burning, evil chakra broke through his defenses, a malevolent force laughing, _mocking_ him as it prepared to-

_THWACK!_

Sasuke found himself flying backwards in the real world from a powerful punch to the face, slamming into a tree. Wheezing for breath, he stared up at the furious Naruto in complete disbelief.

"H-How-?"

"FUCKING MORON!" Naruto shouted, punching Sasuke again. "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU TRYING TO DO?"

"I-I-!"

"Get your ass killed, that's what!" Naruto snarled. "Have you completely _lost your mind?_" He glared directly into Sasuke's wide eyes.

"What, you want to commit suicide or something? Because there are easier ways to do it than have your brains burnt out by the motherfucking Kyuubi no Youko!"

"But last time...!" Sasuke tried, before Naruto whacked him on the head. "GAH!"

Naruto sighed and rubbed his eyes irritably. "Great! Sakura's new invention seems to make people lose all their _common sense!_ As if there wasn't enough of _that..._"

The blond shook his head. "You okay?"

Sasuke wheezed and shivered. Just that exposure to the Kyuubi's chakra... Had drained him so much?

"You... You won't win," he got out. "I'll defeat you... Destroy Konoha...!"

Naruto shook his head, looking on him with... _Sympathy?_

"Okay, I think this is worse than when you thought you were the Pirate King. Granted you were drunk off your ass, but still..."

"SASUKE-KUN!"

Naruto grimaced as he looked over his shoulder. "Great... Those dipwads in Akatsuki cloaks are coming... Don't know who they are, but they can't be good." Naruto picked Sasuke up, pulling his arm over his shoulders. Sasuke twitched as Naruto patted him on the back.

"Relax Bastard, we'll have you home in no time! And then we'll kick Sakura's ass together. Cause seriously, this is just _messed up_."

Naruto vanished, accelerating with a burst of chakra rocketing from his feet. Sasuke's eyes grew even wider, though he wasn't sure how, as Naruto seemed to _fly_ forward through the trees.

"How?"

"Okay, you can't be seriously telling me you forgot _Hakke Koushin_," Naruto yelled over the wind. "I know it was a bitch to learn, but c'mon!"

* * *

Hakke Koushin (Eight Trigrams Acceleration)_-Hyuuga acceleration technique using controlled ejections of chakra from the feet and legs to move incredibly quickly. Difficult to master, but the Alt-Canon Naruto's had a lot of practice._

_Next time, Alt-Sasuke meets Canon Naruto. Please review._


	2. Sasuke's Weird Day

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Naruto wasn't an idiot... Exactly. He wasn't a coward either. And he'd had more than his fair share of experience with crazy stuff happening. His life seemed to be filled with mishap, adventure, chaos, and (as of late), a lot of getting his ass kicked. His training with this Sage Chakra thing was going slowly, and to be entirely honest, while the results were nothing to sneeze at, needing several minutes to get powered up was NOT very practical. He'd taken a break on top of the Hokage Monument, but was still going through the katas the toads had instructed him in, Sakura on stand by in case he overdid it.

So, when there was a boom like the sound of thunder, and a bright light over his head, and what _looked_ like Sasuke Uchiha standing in front of him, looking confused, he didn't faint or go nuts.

"WHAT THE-SASUKE?"

Okay... Maybe a little nuts...

Sasuke blinked and looked over at Naruto. He made a face behind the tall, black collar of his traditional Uchiha tunic.

"Deadlast...? What the heck are you wearing?"

"Me? You're... What are you...?"

Naruto gaped. Sasuke frowned, and glanced down at his attire. Naruto quickly assessed it-He was wearing a black, high-collared shirt, classic Uchiha style, with long gray pants not dissimilar to what Naruto had seen him in last time but covered in pockets. And across his back was a sheathed katana-Not a chokuto, as he'd usually worn.

He looked back at Naruto and raised an eyebrow. Naruto stared back.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET BACK HERE?" Naruto yelled loudly. Sasuke winced and rubbed his ears.

"Deadlast, could you try yelling a little more loudly? I don't think they could hear you in Kumogakure," he groaned. "What's with your reaction? And what's with the clown get up?"

"CLOWN GETUP?" Naruto demanded. "It's not a clown getup! And it's WAY better than what you wear, Assbow Man!"

"Assbow...? Deadlast, were you sniffing the special beakers in Sakura's lab again?" Sasuke asked flatly. Naruto growled.

"What does that even mean? Why are you here? _How'd _you get here? And why did you come back?"

"What do you mean, 'why did I come back'? This is Konoha. Our village," Sasuke said. Naruto gaped.

"B-But you said you'd... You'd never come back! You ran off and... And... You're LAUGHING?"

For Sasuke, it was more like a series of subdued snickers, but yes, it was laughter. He shook his head and smirked at Naruto.

"Nice, Naruto. You _almost_ had me. Just for a second. It would help if you didn't fidget so much when you're pulling a prank. What, are you hopped up on caffeine or something?"

"Fidget...?" Naruto asked. Sasuke stared at Naruto for a second, then glared.

"Okay, fun's over. I don't get the joke. Not that you're very funny on a regular basis-"

"Hey! Shut up! You wouldn't know funny if it bit you in the ass!"

"And it seems to be steering well clear of yours," Sasuke noted dryly. Naruto seethed.

"SHUT UP! Look you bastard, just what the hell are you playing at? Why did you come back to Konoha?" Another time, Naruto would be overjoyed that Sasuke had returned. But this... This felt wrong. Like it wasn't really Sasuke here, despite it seeming so much like him.

"Come back...?" Sasuke felt a somewhat familiar ki signature, and turned around.

"Sakura, what the hell did you do to Naruto this time?"

"Wh-Wha-SASUKE-KUN?" Sakura screeched in shock as she leaped down from a tree branch. Sasuke sighed.

"Naruto was making up this crap about me defecting to Orochimaru, and... Wait, where are your goggles?" He activated his Sharingan and quickly scanned Sakura, frowning more deeply at her wince.

"... No genjutsu... But no gear?" He turned back and scanned Naruto too, who quickly created several Kage Bunshin. Sasuke sighed.

"Look, the joke is not funny. It has gone far enough-Sakura, whatever you did to Naruto, correct it now."

"I didn't do anything! Just surrender Sasuke! I don't want to fight you!" Sakura cried.

"Yeah? Well I do!" Naruto shouted, his clones charging enmasse. Sasuke frowned and drew his sword.

_Okay, that's it-When this is fixed, Naruto and I are getting Sakura a boyfriend. PERIOD._

* * *

_To read about the alt-canon verse, just read about it in the link below (after taking out the spaces of course):  
_

http : / www . fanfiction . net / s / 4599537 / 1 / Naruto_An_Alternative_Canon


	3. Nothing Adds Up

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

"Okay... What. The. Fuck."

Naruto checked his map, and compared it to the roadsigns he'd managed to locate. He'd lost Tobi and the others (possibly new minions-Naruto, Hinata and Shino had done a number on them last time), ducking through ravines and forests. Hakke Koushin once again had saved the day! Well, an hour at least. Sasuke was quiet, aside from an occasional glare and confused look.

Clearly something was wrong with Sasuke. Something severe. Naruto didn't know what the hell it was, but he knew he definitely didn't like it. His chakra levels weren't what they should be, his Sharingan was different, his clothes, his whole aura and body language-It was all wrong.

Naruto was getting the sneaking suspicion that Sakura had really, _really_ broken the universe this time, and the fact his map said there should be a Fire Republic Army base right where he was standing proved it. Standing in front of him, however, was simply forest. No base.

"How does a _base_ vanish?" Naruto muttered, as one of his clones kept an eye on Sasuke. The feedback from the Kyuubi's chakra had gone right into Sasuke's brain. He was lucky his whole chakra system wasn't fried. At the moment his chakra was at low levels, as though he'd gone ten rounds with a Sennin. The fact that the Kyuubi had been able to do _this_ much to his friend in so short a time freaked Naruto out a bit himself.

Also, that his friend had tried this on the most powerful demon _in the world._ Even Madara wouldn't take on the Kyuubi lightly!

"Naruto..."

"Eh?" Naruto asked, turning and looked at Sasuke. He was leaning up against a tree, eyes dark. "What?"

Sasuke frowned and looked at Naruto. "... What are you?"

Naruto blinked. "What do you mean, 'what am I?'"

"Your chakra signature... Your body language... The Kyuubi," Sasuke mumbled. "Everything... You even _look_ and _sound_ different. Yet you're... Naruto..."

"Yeah? So?" Naruto snorted. "Everything's wrong about _you_, but you're still Sasuke." Naruto smirked. Sasuke looked at him intently.

"... And your Sasuke? What's he like?"

"My Sasuke?" Naruto asked. Sasuke just stared at him, and Naruto blinked. He decided to play along. Maybe Sasuke had gotten amnesia.

"Well... He's a pain in the ass," Naruto said with a grin. "Kind of arrogant, though he's not a total bastard... Has his good moments every now and again. He's also a total pervert, but he pretends he isn't." Naruto shrugged. "He's also loyal, and damn brave. And I can always count on him."

He wasn't laying it on thick-Not at all. But saying stuff like that was awkward-He and Sasuke didn't need to say this stuff. Well, once or twice, yeah, but the rest of the time they spoke with their fists. That was how they were. Friends. Comrades. Brothers.

Sasuke stared incredulously. "How'd he get that way?"

"What do you mean?" Naruto asked.

"Did... Was his family massacred?"

"... Yeah," Naruto said. "His older brother killed off his family."

Sasuke nodded. "... Did he go to Orochimaru?"

"Well... He thought about it," Naruto allowed. "He did go rogue for a little while. He was trying to find his brother and find some answers about the massacre of his clan."

"Answers...?"

"Well, it was... Weird. And there were all these little clues about things. Like, his mother's blood type being wrong in the official records, and the fact a Shugotenshi member looks a lot like his mom, and the fact Itachi himself said there was more to it than it first appeared..." Naruto shrugged.

"After a while though, we found you again... You helped us expose Orochimaru as a spy in the Fire Country government, and he and his village slipped away. You tried to play the martyr, kill him yourself. We chased him off though, after I found you." Naruto grinned. "But seriously man, if I have to keep saving your ass, I'm going to need extra pay."

Sasuke coughed, and stared at him. Naruto stared back.

"... Why? What are you like?" Naruto asked quietly.

Sasuke, not sure what to think, told him.

Naruto's response was succinct.

"No. Fucking. _Way_."

* * *

Haruno Sakura was sure of one thing, the longer the fight went on: That whoever this was, it was _not_ Sasuke they were fighting.

Oh, he had the Sharingan all right, plus the deadly grace and aerial maneuvers of the Sasuke they knew. He had the same general appearance, though a bit taller and hair a bit shorter. His swordwork was superb, subtle, and quick, effectively defeating Naruto's clones and blocking his kunai. His use of genjutsu was equally subtle, managing to keep Naruto's blows from connecting with a slight mental push from the Sharingan's stare.

That was the problem. Sasuke did not fight in a subtle way. He was like a lightening storm, raging through his opponents swiftly and mercilessly. Equally telling was Sasuke's emotional state.

He was confused and angry. There was none of the cold disdain or emotionless dismissal. This Sasuke did not know who they were either, but he had also figured out that they were not who he thought they were.

"Naruto, wait!" She shouted, as the blond once again attacked with a swarm of clones, coordinating his efforts in their attack on Sasuke. The Uchiha frowned and once again quickly dispatched the assault, but was forced to evade as two clones tried to attack from underground.

"You're slow, whoever you are!" Sasuke said flatly. "And clumsy. I don't know who you think you're imitating, but you're _not_ Naruto."

He landed and deathglared Naruto.

"So the question is, _who_ or _what_ are you, and where is the real Naruto?" Sasuke glanced over at Sakura and huffed.

"And Sakura, for that matter?"

Sakura wasn't sure if this Sasuke's dismissal of her was worse than the dismissal he gave her the last time they fought. Then, he was dismissing her as nothing that could threaten him, beneath his notice. Now...

Now, he was disappointed. Genuinely disappointed, before he hid it beneath his determined anger.

"WHAT? I'm Uzumaki Naruto you bastard! It's you who isn't Sasuke!" Naruto shouted back, Rasengan buzzing in his hand as he burst from the ground under Sasuke again. He leaped above and evaded, Naruto still resolutely following him with the deadly sphere following him.

"Points for the underground attack, but that Rasengan?" Sasuke whipped his sword around, deftly separating Naruto's hand from his wrist. Naruto screamed in agony and fell to the Earth, clutching the stump of his wrist. Sasuke landed in front of him, and he snorted.

"Crude. Very crude. What are you, a clone? If you are, whoever made you didn't..."

Sasuke trailed off and his eyes widened as fiery red chakra began to emerge from Naruto. The blond looked up at him with feral eyes, the burning scarlet energy wrapping around his stump and quickly regenerating his hand.

"NARUTO! NO!" Sakura shouted, leaping in and slamming a fist into the ground in front of Sasuke. He seemed to vanish, reappearing outside of the resulting crater. He frowned and scanned Sakura again with his Sharingan eyes.

"That technique... Where the hell did you learn it?" He growled. Sakura looked taken aback.

"I-What? Tsunade taught me!"

Sasuke growled. "She's only taught that to a few people, and _Sakura_ isn't one of them."

"**BASTARD...**" Naruto snarled. The nightmarish oppression of the Kyuubi's killing intent filled the air, as Sakura was forced to leap away. Naruto snarled at Sasuke, already up to one tail. Sasuke stared.

"That's impossible... There's no way you could have..." Sasuke barely evaded a long claw of burning chakra, his shoulder being nipped by the fiery claws. He grit his teeth and released a breath, ignoring the pain.

"What are you?" He demanded.

"Naruto! Enough!"

Naruto snarled and looked up into the trees, but complied, the Kyuubi's chakra fading into him. Sasuke looked up as well, and his frown grew. Kakashi stood there, with about two dozen ANBU.

"Kakashi-sensei too...?" Sasuke muttered. "Just what the hell _are_ you people?"

"We could ask you the same thing," Kakashi observed. "If you surrender, you will not be harmed."

"Give me a break," Sasuke snorted. "Nothing makes sense here. If you think I'm going to trust anything you say, you've got another thing coming."

"And yet, you are outnumbered, in the middle of a hostile village, and very outgunned," Kakashi said. "While you are no doubt very skilled... Even you cannot defeat every ninja in this village."

Sasuke stared at Kakashi for a long time, before sighing. He sheathed his sword, and removed it from his back before tossing it to a surprised Naruto.

"Do _not_ lose that," Sasuke ordered. Naruto scowled back at him.

"You can't give me orders, Bastard!"

"I'm only giving it to you because you, at least, won't break it." He looked at Sakura with a glare. "Or try to turn it inside out or something."

"Huh?"

"This... Is going to be interesting," Kakashi murmured.

* * *

_Please review._


	4. Confrontation

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

"Gah... Fucking everything looks wrong," Naruto mumbled, tree hopping through the forest lining the main road. His chakra senses were fairly decent, if he did say so himself (though grudgingly, he had to admit Sakura and Sasuke's were better). But it was impossible to miss Konoha. And the main road was still going in the right direction. It just wasn't... Paved. It was plain dirt, when it _should_ have been a long, winding paved road of dull red and white stones, the road that connected Hi no Kuni together.

_Where the hell is everything?_ he thought, irritated. Granted, the forest seemed just as big as he remembered, but aside from some lone merchants and private carriages, as well as people in pretty low grade clothing, there was nothing. No merchant trains, no city of Okansai built into the forest itself, no rest stops, no railway stations or _railway_, for that matter...

It was like someone had turned the clock back a few hundred years.

_Is that what Sakura did? Send me back in time?_ He thought. He had no idea how Sasuke could have gotten that badly messed up in the head from it... Or how Tobi and his entourage could have ended back here too. But then again, he'd never time traveled before.

_So, I'm back in time... That much chakra coming from over the horizon's gotta be Konoha, so at least I'm not around during the Tengoku period..._

His musings were cut short when Sasuke elbowed him, hard, in the gut.

"OOF!" Naruto grunted, letting go and kicking away from Sasuke when he whipped out his sword. Naruto landed on an opposing tree trunk, Sasuke on another. The blond growled at the flat expression Sasuke was giving him.

"I'm not going back to Konoha," he said. "I don't care what or who you are, I _will not_ return. Not until I come to take my revenge."

"You already killed your brother! You said so yourself!" Naruto argued. "And how can you trust Madara anyway? The guy's a nutcase! You know that mask of his? It's what contains his-!"

Naruto dodged the Grand Fireball jutsu, landing on another tree trunk. He growled.

"Madara is _using you!_ Don't you get it? He tried to destroy Konoha before, in order to put the Uchiha on top!"

"Konoha ordered the destruction of my clan! Itachi carried it out! My vengeance is not complete!" Sasuke stated, sending another blast of flames at him. Naruto once more dodged and back flipped in mid-air and landing on another trunk.

"Sasuke, you're messed up! You're not well! I don't know what's happened, but I'm _trying_ to help you!" Naruto shouted. Sasuke lunged, sword first. Naruto grimaced and bit his thumb, sliding it over a sealing tattoo on his wrist.

_POOF! CLANG!_

Sasuke's eyes narrowed. Naruto blocked his sword with one of his own, and even now the Uchiha was analyzing it furiously.

It was a _naginata_, it's blade a mixture of dull gray and black, a few figures in _kanji_ decorating it. The handle part of the pole-arm was simple but elegant, dressed in red and black, and from the end hung a dull red chain.

"_Chidori Senbon_," Sasuke whispered, his body becoming alive with current, lashing through his blade into Naruto's. The blond's reaction was unexpected.

"OOF!" Sasuke grunted, receiving a hard kick between the legs. He was forced off the branch and slammed into one below it. He gritted his teeth and tried to fight through the pain, but Naruto was above him, the point of his polearm at Sasuke's throat before he could move.

"You forgot about _Hisana_ too, huh?" Naruto asked in a flat, calm voice. "And her rubber grip."

"You bastard," Sasuke growled.

"That's _my_ line, pal," Naruto said. He tensed, and Sasuke knew why-Team Hawk was nearby.

"Allright, you stay here, I'll handle this," Naruto said. He formed a small group of Kage Bunshin, and grinned at them. They grinned back.

"Fool... You can't possibly think... You can beat them..." Sasuke tried. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"I'm not beating them... I'm just going to be giving him something to think about." He hefted _Hisana_ over his shoulder and headed off for the road, landing in the middle of a field indenting itself into the forest behind him.

"Yo, Madara's new fanclub! It's pointless to hide, so you'd better come out now."

A moment later, a tall young man with spiky hair, a short girl with red hair and glasses, and some smiling, pale kid with a familiar sword all appeared. Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"Hey, you! Smiley! Where'd you get that sword?"

"Who, me?" The young man asked with a pointy-toothed grin. "Zabuza's grave, of course."

Naruto grit his teeth. "Fucking _liar_!"

"It's true! It's mine, he was my sempai. And so will the swords of the rest of the Seven Swordsmen."

Naruto smirked and snorted. "Feh. A fucking pansy like you? Becoming as good as _Zabuza_? Don't make me laugh." He turned to the girl, who bristled.

"We're here to take back Sasuke-kun, you fox-carrying bastard." She leered. "And then we'll just have to rip the fox out from you and leave you to bleed out."

"Hahaha, cute, no," Naruto said. He glanced at the tall, quiet-looking boy. "And you? Nothing to say?"

"We will take back Sasuke from you," he spoke softly. Naruto shook his head sighed.

"These are the best Madara could scrape together?"

Granted, their chakra capacities weren't anything to sneeze at, but compared to what Madara had thrown at him before? He was decently sure he could take them, though they'd probably have some special tricks up their sleeves.

"Your life is about to end, you little shit. Prepared to die?" Smiley asked unpleasantly.

"No, I'm good with living," Naruto said. "See, here's the thing: You guys fucked with my friend's brain. I don't know how, but nevertheless I'm going to kick your asses for it."

"All by yourself? We know that you can't use the Kyuubi's chakra! You're just bluffing!" the girl said mockingly. Naruto raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I _might_ have to go that far, I don't deny it, but if that's the case, babe, I suggest you pack up and run," Naruto said easily. "Oh, one second-!"

Deftly he whipped his _naginata_ around, cutting clean through a Water Clone of the pale boy that attempted to grab him from behind. At the same time, he outstretched his free hand, a Rasengan forming in his palm.

He pointed it right for Suigetsu and, to the astonishment of all the members of Team Hawk, compressed it to the size of a marble before it shot out like a bullet into the gut of the water-based ninja. The Rasengan expanded within him, sucking him up and spinning him every-which way apart like a blender, before exploding with massive force. Karin and Juugo deftly evaded.

"Wha-How can you do that?" Karin asked in disbelief. "The Rasengan is a purely hand-held technique!"

"Who told you that?" Naruto asked.

"Sasuke-kun, of course!" Karin sneered.

"Okay... Guess he remembers that a little _differently_ than I do," the blond said. He spun _Hisana_ around and pointed it at the remaining (intact) members of Team Hawk. The water boy was slowly pulling himself back together, which was definitely annoying.

"That just means I'll have to show you just how much you've really gotten wrong!"

* * *

_Building up some suspense, please pardon the dust._


	5. Sakura's Normal Day

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Another unusual crash of thunder and flash of light was heard and seen in Hi no Kuni that day. The citizens of the capital city were shocked and appalled, and the city guard rushed into action, pouring into the streets.

A squad passed by an alley, ignoring the beggars laying around inside. A few moments later, a pink haired girl emerged, fiddling with an usual device. A pale, dark-haired girl with even paler eyes followed, looking around.

"Wh-Where are we, Sakura?" Hyuuga Hinata asked. Sakura grimaced, and tapped the device on the side.

"Well... If my calculations are correct... And they usually are," Sakura began, not noticing Hinata's small eye roll, "we are in downtown Abuwazeno."

Both kunoichi looked around at the extremely old-fashioned style street they found themselves on, and the feudal-style palace in the distance.

"It doesn't look like Abuwazeno," Hinata commented. Sakura frowned and hummed thoughtfully.

"No, it doesn't... Nothing _remotely_ like it. I suspect that we've found ourselves in a parallel universe, where time is moving more slowly than in our own!"

"So, this is Abuwazeno... When?" Hinata asked. Sakura frowned and cleared her throat, looking at one of the beggars nearby.

"Er... Excuse me sir, what year is it?" She asked. The man blinked at her.

"98 Hishei, why?"

"98...?" Sakura frowned. "No... Okay... Do you know who the Tengoku were? Or Ryoma, the Steel Dragon?"

"The who?" The beggar asked. Sakura sighed and shook her head.

"Great... We're probably 700 plus years in the past at this rate."

"I just hope we don't run into the Sage of the Six Paths," Hinata mumbled. Sakura snorted, turning and walking briskly down the street, Hinata following.

"Please. We could take him. The man was a brute. No subtlety at all."

A group of guards spotted the two Kunoichi, and the leader called out to them.

"Halt! Identify yourselves!"

"Eh?" Sakura turned. She frowned. "That's odd... Why are they speaking our dialect...?"

"Ah, we are simple travelers, from far away," Hinata said, giving a polite bow. Sakura gave a bow back as well.

"Travelers? Then why are you wearing Konoha headbands?" The guard asked suspiciously.

Sakura blinked. "Wait... _Konoha?_"

The guard frowned. "Yes, Konoha! A ninja village? What are you, girl, stupid?"

Hinata held out a hand to Sakura's shoulder, keeping the volatile genius from lashing out in anger.

"Ah, forgive my friend, she took a bad hit to the head by a bandit on our way here and is still recovering. How can we help you gentlemen?" Hinata said, smiling charmingly. The guards noticeably relaxed, and Sakura had to hand it to Hinata-She may not have been the perfect choice for heiress, but she knew how to ease tensions.

"That strange crack of thunder and flash of light-Did you see what was responsible?" The guard asked. Hinata shook her head.

"Not at all! It was just so intense, so loud!"

"Well, we could use a Hyuuga's help. Would you be willing to assist us?" He asked. Hinata smiled and nodded.

"Of course!"

Hinata activated her bloodline, quickly scanning the area. _No underground caverns... No railway... But they know about Konoha...?_

"I can't see anything that could have caused such a disturbance within my range," Hinata said. The guard sighed.

"Well, thanks for trying... If you need anything, just ask, miss."

"Do you know where we might find a library?" Hinata asked politely. The guard nodded and pointed down the road.

"The nearest one should be that way. Never been to the capital before, huh?"

"No, not like this," Sakura said truthfully. Hinata guided Sakura away after exchanging goodbyes with the nice guards, and made their way down the street.

* * *

"No... No... No..." Sakura sighed in disgust, looking up from the umpteenth scroll she'd pulled down from the racks. There were some books, but mostly just regular scrolls. Hinata walked nearby, carrying another stack of scrolls for Sakura's perusal.

"Don't bother," Sakura grunted, slumping down in her chair. "I'm beginning to see why things are so... _Backwards_," she said, spitting out the last word as though it left a foul taste in her mouth. Hinata frowned and sat across from Sakura.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I _mean_?" Sakura asked incredulously. "LOOK at this place! They're a bunch of primitive savages! They haven't advanced in _ages_ here! No no steam power except for a few exceptions, no particle accelerators, no _industry_! Not as we know it, anyway." Sakura groaned.

"What's worse is that apparently, they DO have advanced technology here and there, they just don't know how they _got it!_" Sakura pinched her nose. "It's giving me a goddamned headache..."

"Well, like what?" Hinata asked. Sakura just pointed at the electric lights overhead. Hinata did so, and then looked at the still-very feudal surroundings they were in.

"I see your point," she mumbled quietly. She sighed and handed over another scroll. Sakura took it with a frown.

"I think I know what the problem is... Well, for the lack of democracy, anyway," Hinata admitted. "No Ryoma, no Rasen, no Ren. And no Tengoku occupation, period."

"What? None?" Sakura asked, startled. She opened the scroll and quickly read through, grimacing. "No... There's nothing!"

Sakura sighed and shook her head. "You'd think that things would have advanced over the last... 500 years, but they haven't. Except in ways that _make no sense_." Sakura groaned.

"They have movies, and refrigerators, and _electricity_, but look at this crap! It's like everyone wants to live in feudal times! It's like some kind of twisted movie set!"

"Still, that's not our pr-problem right now," Hinata spoke. "If Naruto and S-Sasuke are here, th-they'll be headed for Konoha."

"Presuming they came out on this continent... My calculations indicate an 87 percent chance that they did, but still..." Sakura mused. "Not to mention until we find them, we're stuck in this bizarre... _Museum_ world, alone."

"W-Well, if we're overdue, Ts-Tsunade-sensei will send help, right?" Hinata asked. Sakura blinked at Hinata, and then blushed.

"Ah, sure! Yes! She most definitely will!"

Hinata frowned.

"Sakura... Y-You did tell her where we were going... Right?"

"... I left a note...?" Sakura tried. At Hinata's scowl (which was more of a pout, really), Sakura wilted.

"It was a _really_ good note, I swear! And we had no time to lose!"

"Even so," Hinata pointed out. Sakura sighed and shook her head.

"All right, all right... Look, the portal between our dimensions can be opened again. All Tsunade has to do is charge up my accelerator, input the correct tolerances into the system, and it'll form a portal where we are. See? Simple. Can't fail."

"Sakura... You said that about Saku-Mecha Mark. XV," Hinata said flatly. Sakura scowled, and harrumphed.

"Technically it worked! Technically! It just, ah... Had some bugs in it."

"It w-went on a rampage and tried to destroy the village."

"_Some_ bugs..."

* * *

_The plot thickens… But you should still be able to slurp it through a straw._


	6. Interrogation

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet. And in the course of this series we'll actually get to see how the Alt-Canon verse came to be._

_Now, in answer to a few questions: Yes, the AC versions of the characters are for the most part stronger. It reflects the world they live in: Not only heavily trained ninja but they also have to face well trained conventional forces with guns, air support and guided munitions, to say nothing of samurai on or well above Rurouni Kenshin levels of skill and power. It doesn't mean it's a total curbstomp between universes because the abilities between them can be different, as you will see._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Ibiki, it seemed, hadn't changed much, Sasuke reflected. The ticking clock above, the cold, uncomfortable chair he now sat in, the table, and the aura of palpable menace emnanating from the man were all Ibiki.

He tapped his fingers on the table in a broken rhythm, as Ibiki stared at him.

"You claim to be Uchiha Sasuke."

"Yes."

"And that you are not a traitor to Konoha."

"Yes."

"And that you have no idea how you got here."

"Yes."

"And that we are all not who we say we are."

"Yes."

"What makes you think that?" Ibiki asked. It was an open question, dependent on the man's menace to push him to speak, or to force him to up the ante. Sasuke kept tapping the table, and shrugged.

"One, your idea of Naruto is vague at best. Unless he's wearing armor under every inch of that outfit, he's a walking target. Two, I've fought Naruto. Hundreds of times. His fighting style is not like that at all."

"He's better?" Ibiki asked. Sasuke snorted.

"My Naruto could kick your Naruto's ass any day of the week."

"Interesting. What's number three?"

"Your Sakura."

"What's wrong with her?"

"She's an idiot."

"What makes you say that?"

"She just stood there during the fight."

"So your Sakura is more powerful?"

"My Sakura is your worst nightmare. And mine too." Sasuke sighed and leaned back a bit, still tapping his fingers. Ibiki nodded.

"I'll be back." He stood up and walked out the interrogation room door, shutting it with an audible click. Outside, a fuming Naruto, confused Sakura and stoic Tsunade waited. The Fifth Hokage looked at her Intelligence and Torture Head expectantly.

"Well?"

"It's not him... And it's also him," Ibiki stated. Naruto blinked.

"... What the hell does _that_ mean?"

"I mean that his psych profile isn't an exact copy of the Uchiha's, but it's not a bad fabrication either," Ibiki said. "It seems to be a different development of the same starting personality."

"How can you tell that just by talking to him for an hour?" Sakura demanded.

Ibiki just looked at her. Sakura stepped back, more than a little intimidated. Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"So... He's, what? Another version of Sasuke?"

"It's not the most... Elegant solution, but it's the only one that fits what I've seen," Ibiki explained. He looked at Sakura and Naruto significantly.

"He hasn't broken character or body language over the course of the interrogation. At all. He was actually trying to throw off my rhythm during the course of the questioning with his finger tapping." Ibiki smirked.

"He also managed to give away pertinent information on what he believes we _should_ be like, but without giving away anything we could use against 'his' Konoha."

"What's special about that?" Naruto asked flatly.

"Because if he were lying about how his Konoha was supposed to be, he would've given more up," Ibiki said. "Uchiha Sasuke is many things, but subtle in interrogations?" He snorted. Naruto nodded with a sigh.

"Yeah, there is that... He'd have probably just clammed up or spouted a lot of crap about how 'I am an Uchiha, you pititful fools will never break me,' yadda yadda yadda." Naruto shook his head. "Still doesn't explain _what_ he is, or how he got here!"

"Kakashi's looking into it," Tsunade said. "In the meantime, Naruto, Sakura... You're going to talk to... Sasuke, and see what you can find out."

"What? Why us?" Sakura asked. Ibiki looked at his Hokage questioningly. Tsunade shrugged.

"He's not Sasuke Uchiha, and yet he is. You two are probably the best people to determine _how_ he's not Sasuke. Besides, it's obvious he knows Ibiki. It seems his Ibiki isn't very different, wherever he came from."

Ibiki just smiled disturbingly, making Naruto and Sakura shudder.

"Well... Fine." Naruto smirked. "At least _this_ Sasuke has some respect for me! The future Hokage!"

* * *

Sasuke sighed, staring at the mirrored glass window. He tugged at his chakra suppression collar. He knew about two ways he might be able to get it off, though escaping from confinement had not been one of his best skills. Still, it was something, something he could use to get the hell out of this bizarre take on Konoha village.

_I'll have to study up when I get back,_ he thought. _Probably best to use Sakura for practice. Tie her up, see how she gets out._ He smirked. _And off._

Oh, right. He still had to kill Sakura when he got back home. Or get her a boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Hell, if it took getting her gangbanged to make her stop directing her sexual frustration into playing with the laws of physics, he'd buy Naruto all the ramen he could want in exchange.

_Not that he'd need too much coaxing,_ Sasuke further reflected. _Just slip an aphrodiasiac into her soda and ask Hinata and Haku to join in. We're golden._

The door opened again, and Naruto entered, looking determined. He shut the door behind him and sat down at the table, looking so serious Sasuke had to restrain the urge to laugh.

"Allright... Sasuke... If you're really you, then what's... My favorite food in the whole wide world?" Naruto demanded. Sasuke stared at him.

"... Could it be ramen?" He deadpanned. Naruto blinked, then scowled.

"Lucky guess!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto's scowl deepened.

"Hey! Don't do that to me! For all I know, you're like... An Evil Sasuke!"

"How would that be any different from how he is now, if he's a traitor to Konoha?" Sasuke posed dryly. Naruto glowered.

"He-He's not a traitor! Orochimaru just fucked with his head, and now-!"

"Now what?" Sasuke asked. He looked Naruto seriously in the eye. "Did he 'betray' Konoha in order to expose Orochimaru's involvement in the Fire Country government?"

Naruto blinked. "Um, well... No..."

"Did he do it to betray Orochimaru from the inside?" Sasuke pressed. Naruto growled.

"No..."

"Did he just go for revenge on his brother, and did he kill anyone while doing it?" Sasuke further posed.

"Well... Yeah, for the first. As for the second, um... No..." Naruto looked uncomfortable. Sasuke sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Let me guess... He tried to kill you for the Mangekyo Sharingan."

"No he... He...!" Naruto tried, fists clenching. Sasuke nodded.

"Thought so."

"But he's my friend! He didn't-!" Naruto tried. Sasuke scowled at him deeply.

"He's not your friend, Naruto. Not anymore. And if he contemplated doing this to you, then he probably barely knew what it meant _to_ have friends."

"And you didn't try to kill your Naruto?" Naruto spat. Sasuke sighed, and lowered his eyes.

"Yes. I did."

"And you can still call yourself _his_ friend?" Naruto demanded. Sasuke looked up at Naruto with a hard gaze.

"It's not that simple. I had to make it look good. I was going to Orochimaru because I _knew_ he knew something about my Clan's massacre, and that he was pulling strings in the government. I went with the full knowledge that I was going to be branded a traitor! That I may have to do things I would regret for the rest of my life!"

"Trying to stop him by killing him?" Naruto demanded. "Did you regret that?"

"Yes. I _do_," Sasuke stated flatly. Naruto grit his teeth at the subdued expression Sasuke now wore. How long had he wanted Sasuke to repent? To apologize? To come back, see that he _didn't_ need to throw his life away for revenge?

"And afterwards, when everything was said and done," Sasuke continued quietly, "I apologized. And he forgave me."

Naruto was silent for a time, then he sighed.

"... Did you get the answers you were looking for?"

"... Some of them," Sasuke said. "Enough to know that... My vengeance is a _lot_ more complicated than I thought." He snorted in morbid amusement. "And that Naruto, even when he's barging in on my operation to rescue me, or to kick my ass... Well, you just can't stop him. Idiot doesn't know _how_ to give up." He looked over at Naruto.

"I was exposed. I was going to die. And then, Naruto just comes bursting in with that damned smile of his, a Rasengan charged up, and says 'I never doubted you for a second.'"

Naruto was silent for a while, before he sighed, cracking a small smile.

"He sounds pretty awesome."

"Feh... He's an idiot, a smartass, and he's totally oblivious to women who want to do him," Sasuke huffed. He shook his head and managed a small smile back.

"How sad is it that he's my friend?"

"Yeah... Pretty sad," Naruto replied with a grin.

* * *

_The more things change…_


	7. Uzumaki First Contact

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Karin needed no further encouragement to strike, using a quick _Shunsin_ to get behind Naruto to stab him in the back. Naruto whipped around and blocked her kunai with his polearm, expertly twirling his wrist to snap the weapon out of her hand.

"AUGH! What the-?" She gasped as he rammed an elbow into her gut, quickly kicking her in the side and out of the way as a transforming Juugo charged.

"Shit, you're a fast one aren't you?" Naruto shouted to Juugo. The giant boy transformed his arm into a sword and charged again, Naruto parrying the blow and moving to the side.

"You cannot win," Juugo stated. "We will have Sasuke back!"

"That's my line, pal!" Naruto growled, parrying Juugo's next strike. Pushing his blade against Juugo's, he forward-flipped up, slamming a foot into Juugo's nose. The giant reared back with a cry of pain as Naruto kicked off his chest, landing on his feet.

"I don't know how you did it, but I'm going to beat your asses for messing up Sasuke! _Kamaitachi no Jutsu!_" He swung his naginata and unleashed a fierce cutting whirlwind against Juugo. The giant held his arms up to protect himself, numerous cuts drawing blood appearing all over his skin.

"I'm sorry, but I have to defeat you," he stated quietly. Naruto yelped and just barely escaped being pounded into the dirt, jumping up and sticking to a nearby tree trunk. Juugo simply used his piston-shaped arm to smash through the tree's base, Naruto now forced to jump away once more. He formed handseals above Juugo and held a finger up to his mouth.

_Katon: Goukakyu no Jutsu!_ He thought, releasing a truly massive fireball. As quickly as he could he whipped his naginata around after the blast. _Kamaitachi no jutsu!_

The wind jutsu greatly enhanced the power of the fireball, blasting into the ground Juugo stood and blowing large amounts of debris into the air. Naruto turned in mid-air, seeing Karin throwing kunai at him. He concentrated, and a chakra-tinged burst of air seemed to jump away from his feet, propelling him higher and above the kunai. Twisting his body, he used the strange technique again, accelerating himself towards Karin at high speed with a loud _BOOM!_

"GYAH!" Karin screamed, barely able to get a kunai up in time to defend herself. Naruto raised his eyebrows at her sneer.

"You bastard! You think Juugo can be stopped by just that?"

"Nope!" Naruto said cheerfully. "That's just a warm up, you might say..."

A quick check with a clone popping itself allowed Naruto to be sure Sasuke was still just fine, and now tied up. Now, true, he did want to get Sasuke to a medic of some kind fast (though what kind of medics he'd find here, he wasn't sure), but this battle was personal for three reasons.

First, Madara/Tobi. Enough said. Any chance to blunt the asshole's operations and deal some revenge was a good one. Second, Sasuke being mindfucked into thinking he was a traitor to Konoha? _That_ was unforgivable, and they deserved to get their asses kicked. Finally, Zabuza's sword. Some punk made out of water had the _gall_ to say he'd taken _Kubikiri Houcho_ as his own? From Zabuza's _grave_?

An ass-kicking was the bare minimum retribution. It was just that simple.

"Whoops!" Naruto shouted, executing another _Uzumaki Koushin_ to escape Juugo's charge. Karin was knocked out of the way, sprawling as the large boy left another crater int he ground. He'd managed to harden his skin enough to resist the flames, but it was plain to see he'd taken some damage.

Another _Uzumaki Koushin_ shot him back down, clashing his weapon against Juugo's arm, which had again taken the form of a massive blade.

"Not bad," Naruto said with a feral grin.

"How are you doing that? Moving through the air?" Juugo asked. He shoved Naruto back, who deftly leaped above Juugo's slash. He smirked.

"I'm just that _awesome_," Naruto replied, as he parried one sword blow from Juugo, and simply dodged the follow-ups.

Another _Uzumaki Koushin_ blasted Naruto above Juugo, and he unleashed another _Kamaitachi no jutsu_. Juugo evaded, Karin didn't, and she screamed as she took several cuts all over her body.

Naruto landed a short distance away, abruptly swinging his polearm around and bringing it up to block. _CLANG!_

"You're going to pay for that, you little shit," Suigetsu leered with a broad shark's grin. _Kubikiri Houcho_ pushed against _Hisana_, the large _zanbato_ bearing down on the smaller _naginata_.

"Feh... Am I?" Naruto asked with a smirk. "From some punk... Who doesn't even know how to _use_ that sword right?"

Sensing Juugo trying to attack from behind, Naruto quickly summoned several _Kage Bunshin_, who quickly began attacking the large giant with fast hit and run strikes. Juugo hardened his skin again to weather the blows, trying to catch any of them, but despite having lower chakra, superior tactics allowed the clones to peck and nibble at the giant and keep his attention off the original.

"What do you mean, _use_ it?" Suigetsu snorted, his body beginning to liquefy. Naruto slid away from the water ninja, slashing his hand off and grabbing the _zanbatou_ with the other.

"What the-YOU BASTARD!" Suigetsu snarled, as Naruto jumped away easily. He smirked and held up _Kubikiri Houcho_ easily in one hand. Suigetsu growled.

"You-How are you doing that?"

"Tell me... Do you know how the Seven Swordsmen's swords were made?" Naruto asked flatly. Suigetsu formed seals for a water jutsu, and unleashed a torrent of liquid through the air. Naruto used another _Koushin_ to evade it, still perfectly calm.

"I only know how _Kubikiri Houcho_ was made... Might not be the same for the other swords... But basically, _Kubikiri Houcho_ was forged with Zabuza's chakra poured into it, and bonded to the steel. It made the sword _part_ of him, and allowed him to wield it." Naruto smirked. "Here's the thing though... For anyone else, they have to burn a pretty hefty amount of chakra to just lift the damn thing, or naturally be super-strong. But even if you can lift it, all it is, is a hunk of metal."

"What? Bullshit! It's a sword! Sure, it's Zabuza's, but it was _him_ that made it so feared!" Suigetsu snarled. Naruto nodded.

"I agree, it _was_." He smirked. "Which is why a punk like you can't bring out it's true power."

"What true power?" Suigetsu snorted. Naruto shrugged, and flared his chakra. He focused, directing his energy into the sword... Allowing it's own chakra to 'taste' his, understand his.

_I seek to kick the ass of the one who is besmirching the good name of your true owner,_ Naruto thought, _felt_ along the connection. _Please... Lend me just a little of your cooperation..._

The sword considered... And came to life. Suigetsu gawked as the blade seemed to burn with power, the familiar feeling of Zabuza's killing intent filling the air.

"This sword is part of Zabuza," Naruto said angrily. "It only serves _him_, and those who are his friends! You're just a power hungry little _shit_, who never understood just what he _stole!_"

A slightly demented grin, akin to Zabuza's own, came onto Naruto's face. _Hisana's_ engraved symbols began to glow, as Naruto connected to his own weapon more fully. In his case, Tenten, Ayame, _and_ he himself had donated chakra to the forging of the weapon, to remind him of his friends and family when he wielded it. He pointed _Kubikiri Houcho_ at Suigetsu, while spinning _Hisana_ in one hand dramatically.

"So, guess what, fucker?" Naruto grinned. "It's time to teach you what happens when you fuck with the Demon of the Mist's _property_, and _my friends!_


	8. Caught My Eye

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

The loud whistle of the steam-powered motorcycle broke the calm of the outer reaches of the Fire Country Capital. Sakura was rather disgusted with its name: Shinku Heijo-kyo.

"'Peaceful Times Great Scarlet City'? That's not a name, it's a freaking advertisement!" Sakura growled, glasses down as she expertly piloted the 'Saku-Steam Cycle'. Hinata held tightly onto Sakura's waist, eyes closed. She knew that driving to Konoha with the cycle would be less energy intensive than going there via foot, but she hadn't trust too many of Sakura's inventions. Unless they were _designed_ to explode.

"Stupid freaking backwards primitives," Sakura cursed, almost clipping a wagon. "Who names a city that?"

"A-And naming the city after a river is better?" Hinata asked, tightening her grip on Sakura's wait. "A-Also, can you be a bit more careful about-?"

"Che, it's about the _person_ it was named for!" Sakura spat angrily. She squeezed a horn she'd attached to the handlebars of the bike. "HEY! GET OUT OF THE WAY! IMPORTANT BUSINESS! BEAT IT!"

The streets were cleared as Sakura drove through, honking her horn a couple more times. Hinata sighed. Sakura could be very subtle when required, but as her forte was in blowing stuff up and finding newer and _better_ ways to blow stuff up, as well as the odd violation of the laws of physics... Well, Hinata was not surprised.

"We're dr-drawing a lot of attention," Hinata warned. Sakura huffed.

"Well, these idiots should see what they're missing, thanks to their twisted rituals and backwards-_Gah!_"

"This is r-really bugging you, isn't it?" Hinata observed. Sakura scoffed, just barely avoiding running over a mother and her children out for a walk.

"Yes! Yes it is! I've found a world that seems to be doing _everything_ in its power to piss me off!"

"W-Well, look on the br-bright side," Hinata suggested. "S-Since there's no democracy, th-then your mother isn't a p-politician."

"Yeah, but by that same logic she could be some ignorant, backwards peasant. Even I wouldn't wish that on her." Sakura shuddered. Hinata hummed.

"M-Maybe I'm not so different h-here...?"

"It'd be hard to imagine you being too different, Hinata," Sakura observed. She hit the brakes and skidded to a halt in front of a blockade of several wagons. "Oh what the hell? HEY! Get out of the way!" She honked the horn again. A few armed guards stepped out of one of the wagons, and a bored-looking young man in fine silk poked his head out.

"Mm? What's this then?" The young man asked. Sakura scowled as several guards walked up and surrounded them. Hinata lowered her gaze, in order to keep her eyes hidden.

The young man walked out with an older adviser. He raised an eyebrow at Sakura and Hinata, the very picture of aristocratic dignity and disdain.

"Who are _you?_" He asked.

"Um, Sakura, maybe you should let _me_-?" Hinata suggested, before Sakura snorted.

"Haruno Sakura, genin. Konoha village. I have to get somewhere _very_ quickly, and it would be a whole lot easier if you _moved_."

"Do you know who I am?" The noble asked with a smirk.

"No. Clearly you're someone of supposed importance in this _charming_ backwater community, but frankly I could care less about your little..." Sakura waved her hand vaguely. "Aristocracy."

The noble just kept smirking while the older man, an adviser and retainer Hinata imagined, gasped in horror.

"Why, how _dare_ you speak to Lord Ken Hirako that way! He is the son of Hirako the Great, the richest man in Shinku Heijo-kyo save the Daimyo himself!"

"Nope, still not caring," Sakura retorted. "Now, if you'd _kindly_ get out of our way, you can resume being self-important to your heart's content. How's that?"

"S-Sakura, I-!" Hinata tried, but was cut off by the incensed adviser.

"You little _whore!_ You nameless scum! How _dare_ you insult Lord Ken!"

"And how _dare_ you presume that I show you _any_ respect due to your archaic, backwards concepts of importance and nobility!" Sakura scoffed.

"Sakura, would you-!"

The young noble actually began to laugh. His retainer looked surprised.

"My Lord?"

"I like her. Haruno Sakura, of Konoha, was it?"

Sakura scowled. "Yeah?"

"I presume you are not married."

"... No?" Sakura tried. Hinata shook Sakura's shoulder. "Not now, Hinata."

"Then you will, of course, be marrying me?" Ken asked with a smirk. Sakura blinked.

"... Wah? What? HELL NO!" Sakura snarled and pointed a finger at the noble, who was still smiling. "You-You can't just propose to someone like that, out of the blue!"

"Why not?"

"MY LORD! Proposing to such a common, unattractive-"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING UNATTRACTIVE?" Sakura snarled. Hinata sighed.

"Um, sh-she's really a nice girl, and this is a complete misunderstanding-!"

"Well, she's certainly unique. Is it not said that the roughest flower blooms brightest?"

"ROUGH! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN ROUGH?"

Hinata groaned. This was _not_ going to end well...

* * *

_Hinata does try, but diplomatic training only goes so far with a mad scientist like Sakura._


	9. Pressing Buttons

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Being let out of the ANBU I&T lock-up had been suggested by Tsunade as a means of getting Sasuke's tongue to loosen just a bit more. Clearly, torture wouldn't work, and Ibiki's assessment that the young man wouldn't become violent unless threatened was enough for Tsunade. The chakra suppression collar and an ever-present escort of ANBU, however, definitely made it clear to Sasuke he was not fully trusted.

Not that he could blame them.

They'd taken him to a nearby training field, far from the civilian areas of the village, via a hidden passage. Sasuke had then picked out a nice looking tree, sat down under it, and leaned up against the trunk. Sakura sat nervously nearby. Naruto just lied down in the grass, arms behind his head. For a while, there was only silence.

"So..." Sakura began. Sasuke glanced at her.

"So?"

"So... What's your Sakura like, Sasuke-kun?" She asked with a small smile. Sasuke chuckled dryly.

"She's probably the one who got me into this mess in the first place."

"What do you mean by that?" Sakura asked, a little defensively.

"She's a _scientist_," the Uchiha said dryly. "She _loves_ to play around with the laws of physics."

"How do you mean, play around?" Naruto asked. Sasuke sighed again.

"Do you have... Books about mad scientists? Stories? Anything like that?"

"A couple... Wait... You mean _your_ Sakura is like that? What do you mean?" Sakura asked. Sasuke shook his head. He was rather divided on this.

On one hand, this meek Sakura was kind of annoying. Clearly, she'd never quite grown out of the fangirl stage around him, which made Sasuke wonder about what her mother actually did in this... Reality? Dream? Hallucination? He didn't know.

On the other... If this Sakura was anything like his, and he told her how her counterpart was... Oh boy...

Sasuke decided to compromise.

"She's a sealing mistress, and engineer. She serves as our demolitions expert, sealing expert, and heavy combat support specialist," Sasuke said. "She also engages in experiments with sealing, involving the manipulation of large amounts of chakra through what she calls the," Sasuke made a face, "'Haruno Neutral Chakra Field Hadron Collider.'"

"What does that mean, anyway?" Naruto asked. Sasuke shrugged.

"Basically, she gets a bunch of ninja or just you, Naruto, to charge up her gigantic seal array she drew and carved out in this cavern she found when she was little. Then, she manipulates the seal using smaller control seal arrays to accelerate particles through the seal's chakra field in order to collide them."

"Eh? Why would anyone want to do that?" Naruto asked. Sakura frowned.

"Because by colliding particles together, you can study the reactions to learn new things... Right?" She asked. Sasuke nodded.

"That's what Sakura says, anyway..."

"But how did that get you here?" Naruto asked, confused. Sasuke snorted.

"Probably, Sakura's experiments involving the creation and manipulation of exotic particles, or her experiments involving miniature blackholes, or who knows what else broke reality and sent me to the Twilight Zone."

"The what zone?" Naruto asked. Sasuke sighed and shook his head.

"Nevermind... Point is, she's always trying bigger and more powerful experiments in order to blow a hole in the fabric of reality or something."

"What are particles, anyway?" Naruto asked. Sasuke blinked at him, and looked at Sakura. She blinked back, and shrugged.

"... Exactly what do you do, anyway?" Sasuke asked. Sakura coughed.

"I'm a er, medic. Lady Tsunade's apprentice."

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, that's not bad. My Sakura learned a little from Tsunade in my Konoha, but she's relied mainly on learning and inventing things on her own."

"Yeah, but how's a Hadron whatever supposed to beat enemy ninja?" Naruto asked. "And you didn't answer my question!"

"No, I didn't," Sasuke said. _Mainly because I am in shock at how little you know._ Sure, his Naruto wasn't a physicist either, but after hanging around Sakura so long he'd picked up more than a little knowledge. He just usually pretended to not know anything about what she was doing, probably out of force of habit to seem dumber than he actually was.

This Naruto actually seemed as dumb as he acted. Sasuke sincerely hoped this was just an act too.

"As for how it beats enemy ninja...? It makes them far too scared to attack Konoha in fear of being turned into couches," Sasuke said. Naruto grinned.

"Wow... It can really do that?"

"No you idiot! It can't!" Sakura snorted. She glanced at Sasuke with an encouraging smile. "Right?"

"..." Sasuke just leaned back and looked up at the clouds, straight-faced.

_Best not to give her any more ideas than I already have..._

_

* * *

_

Karin couldn't believe it. She'd heard it from Sasuke himself about how Uzumaki was weak, infantile, and easily defeated. That he had no idea how to use the power at his disposal effectively to counter them. That when the time came, he would destroy Uzumaki along with the rest of Konoha in his revenge. She'd had no doubts-It _was_ Sasuke-kun, after all-and Uzumaki's continuing insistence on "saving" Sasuke-kun, on him being his friend-It had seemed to prove that Sasuke-kun was right.

He was _always_ right.

So, as Karin watched Uzumaki beat Suigetsu around with his own sword, while slashing through him with wind chakra-enhanced blows from his smaller weapon, and Juugo _still_ be hounded and herded by Uzumaki's clones... She tried to slam a wall of denial right down on what she was seeing.

_Uzumaki can't be winning! He's weak! He's nothing!_

"_RAAAUUURRGGGHHHHH!_" Juugo raged, his temper finally breaking. He viciously attacked the remaining clones, whipping around and destroying them all in a single sweep of his arm, which had grown into a giant, whip-like appendage. It cracked loudly as Juugo saw his next target-Her.

"N-NO! JUUGO! NO!" Karin screamed as her teammate turned monster bellowed, charging for her at impossible speed. She screamed and tried to move, tried to get out of the way, but there was no where to run to, he was upon her-!

_POOF!_ Karin blinked. She found herself held tightly by two pairs of arms. She was in the trees, and around her...

"More _Kage Bunshin?_" She murmured. One of the clones smirked at her and shook his finger.

"Seriously, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be reduced to mincemeat."

Karin snarled and kicked out for the Naruto clone, who simply caught it with a raised eyebrow.

"That how you thank your savior?"

"You-You'll never get anything out of me!" Karin snarled. "Take me to Sasuke-kun! NOW!"

The clones collectively sighed. "Now I _know_ she's Oto."

"Or former," another clone suggested.

"Bastard always was a fangirl magnet, especially to those most hard up," a clone above her huffed.

"That doesn't explain Kabuto-Most of his fangirls were Konoha nurses," argued another.

"Yeah, but in Oto he had to be creepy while in Konoha he was heart-throb doctor's son," said another.

"THAT DOESN'T MATTER! SHUT THE HELL UP! LET ME GO YOU ANNOYING-!"

One of the clones simply whacked her over the back of the head with the blunt end of a kunai, and she went still. He looked at his fellows with an exasperated expression.

"She'll be a lot of fun when she wakes up, huh?"

Back in the clearing, Naruto experienced the death of one of his clones thanks to his sense of chivalry, and Juugo's rage. The giant turned and roared in challenged when he spotted Naruto and Suigetsu. Suigetsu cursed.

"Fucker! He's nuts now! And Sasuke's the only one who can calm him down!"

"Eh? Why?" Naruto asked, bashing Suigetsu over the head with _Kubikiri Houcho_ once more. Seriously, without access to a nearby water supply and getting smacked around with wind jutsu and the blunt side of a sword, the guy was barely a threat. To him anyway. He couldn't actually hurt Suigetsu, but water boy couldn't hurt him back.

"Fucking idiot! SHARINGAN!" Suigetsu snarled. Naruto gulped as the giant charged him, covering the distance a LOT faster than he thought possible. So, he did the first thing that came to his mind.

He replaced himself with Suigetsu, and _Koushin_'d away into the air.

"AUGH! YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Suigetsu screamed as he was splashed around. It wasn't actually painful, but simply annoying. Being smacked around by Uzumaki was one thing-Being squished by Juugo in a rage was another.

Naruto used another _Koushin_ to get even higher, and flashed through handseals.

_KATON! GOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!_ He thought, pushing a massive amount of chakra into the fireball. A quick swing of his sword, and a _Kamaitachi no jutsu_ once again fanned the flames below him. Juugo roared in agony, nearly drowning out Suigetsu's own wails, as Naruto landed gracefully on the ground. He took deep breaths, and shook his head.

"Madara's _really_ reaching here, ain't he?" Naruto observed. Juugo's arm lashed out of the wildfire, very nearly taking Naruto's head off had one of his clones in the trees not replaced him.

"Okay, maybe _not_ reaching so much," the blond allowed. Juugo staggered out of the flames, having used as much of his chakra as he could to resist the painful heat. He looked up into the trees and met Naruto's eyes, the rage driving him forward despite the agony he must be feeling. Naruto sighed. There was only one quick way to stop this guy short of killing him... And Naruto didn't like to kill.

Madara's pawns were just that-Pawns. Manipulated and goaded by him. The bastard enjoyed toying with people's lives and making them devoted to him, because it made cutting the string that much sweeter.

Well... None of that here.

Naruto leaped down and stood in front of the charging Juugo. He took a deep breath.

_Fox... Chakra._

His eyes turned a deadly crimson, and the air was filled with a suffocatingly powerful killing intent. Juugo slowed, rage being replaced by fear. Naruto slowly walked towards him, his eyes focused on the giant's, holding his gaze.

It was animal instinct. Naruto had to establish dominance, use the Kyuubi's sheer predator instinct, predatory power, to force Juugo down. It was his main use of the Kyuubi's power, because a fearful, pissing his pants enemy was an easier enemy to defeat.

**"Calm down,"** Naruto growled. Juugo fell back, eyes finally leaving Naruto's gaze, defeated. His skin returned to it's previous pallor and he fell to his knees, panting. Naruto closed his eyes, and the killing intent faded. When he reopened them, they too had returned to normal.

"Why...?"

Naruto blinked. Juugo was staring at the ground.

"Why are you taking him?"

"Because... He's my friend," Naruto stated solemnly. "And friends don't abandon each other."

Juugo slowly looked up at Naruto, meeting his gaze once more. There, in his eyes, was something familiar to the whiskered blond. Something he understood...

Loneliness.

"No... They don't," Juugo replied quietly. Naruto shrugged, and with a quick _Koushin_, he leaped back into the trees. He nodded back to Juugo, and ran for where he'd stashed Sasuke.

* * *

"Really my dear, I could offer you so much! Wealth, power, fame!"

Hirako Ken, Hinata reflected, was not a boy easily intimidated. Even after Sakura had beaten the crap out of his guards, and then thrown his retainer through a carriage with her Saku-Powered Exoskeleton, released from it's storage seal at the _rough_ comment, he still stood his ground with an enraptured smile as Sakura glared furiously back at him.

"I don't _date_ rich little brats, much less _marry_ them!" Sakura seethed.

"Ah, if I was a brat, I would simply pass over you as unworthy of my time," Ken replied with as charming a smile as he could manage. He stepped over a groaning guard and bowed to Sakura.

"You certainly are, Lady Haruno."

"I'm not marrying you and that's that!"

"Is there another in your heart? A rival for one so beautiful and powerful?" Ken inquired.

"IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!" Sakura shouted.

Hinata smacked a palm to her face. "Sakura, we have to _get going_ and-"

"Not now, Hinata! I'm busy! Look, you can't just walk up to some woman and say 'Marry me!' It's impolite! Besides, you don't know me at all!" Sakura argued. Ken just continued to smile that infuriatingly composed smile of his.

"I know that you are somewhat insecure about your appearance, that you are an accomplished... Blacksmith?"

"Engineer and scientist, thank you!" Sakura growled. "AND I'M NOT INSECURE! I just don't obsess over it like the mindless parts of my gender!"

"Ah, preferring the natural to the artificial, at least in terms of your own self. You bravely show your true feelings, never letting doubt stop you from speaking your mind. I admire that greatly!"

"Well... That's good! All this detail to tradition and decorum that nobles seem to pay, I don't understand it. All it does is waste time. It's very inefficient."

"And as an engineer, you are supremely concerned with efficiency!" Ken concluded. "You see? We have much in common already! Would you like a spring wedding?"

"DAMNIT WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!"

"Sakura?" Hinata tried.

"Not NOW, Hinata! Can't you see I'm-"

Hinata sighed, reached up, and pulled Sakura around, powered exoskeleton and all. Her training with Tsunade had definitely paid off, as it got Sakura's attention.

"What?"

"We have a mission to do."

"Eh? Oh! Right! Mission!" She turned around and pointed a finger at Ken, as she resealed her mecha into it's scroll. "Think about what I've said, pal!"

"I shall. I will have to work much harder to impress you. I'll see you in Konoha then?"

"NO! NO YOU WON'T! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sakura snarled, tossing a Saku-Bomb into his hands. She hopped back on her motorcycle with Hinata, and they flew off at high speed down the road. Ken blinked at the weapon.

_KABOOM!_

He coughed from his new position on his back, ears ringing. His face felt slightly singed, but given that he wasn't dead... He considered this progress.

"Ah, so quickly," Ken sighed happily. "I will make her my wife yet!"

"NO YOU WON'T!" Sakura roared over her shoulder, accelerating rapidly. Hinata sighed. She wished she wasn't too polite to just slap some sense into Sakura every now and then...

* * *

_Across the dimensional divide..._

"Well... She's _really_ gone and done it this time," Senju Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage, sighed heavily, looking over the "note" Sakura had left her. The note was, in fact, about ninety pages of notes and calculations (along with random doodles and sketches of various people she knew, including Naruto as a foxboy groping a blushing bunny-Hinata, Sasuke as a duck (which actually made her snort in laughter), and herself in various giant machines, always with a big smile on her face.

_Why haven't I sent her to a shrink yet?_

"Lady Hokage?" Asked one of the numerous sealing experts who were arranged around the vast chamber. In the center, directly above the intricate carvings and ink drawings for the seal array of the HNCFHC, floated a swirling, glowing ball of chakra and ethereal energy, constantly changing colors. Tsunade shivered and looked away. Sannin or no Sannin, just looking at the damn thing made her feel as though she was falling into a dark pit.

"Yes?"

The sealing expert sighed, and scratched his head. "Lady Hokage, we've been over this thing fifteen times now and... Well, it is _way_ over our heads. Some of this stuff is, well... It's like nothing we've seen before, even at Fusha University. And they practically wrote the book on gravity sealing for experimental purposes... Maybe we should get Jiraiya on this? Or contact General Umake?"

"No time. My people are in another dimension and I want them out. Now, I can barely make heads or tails of this myself," Tsunade sighed. She shook her head. "But, if Sakura's notes are to be trusted, and they usually are..." Tsunade looked over the intricate control panels in front of her, and compared them to the diagrams in her hands.

"... We should start by adjusting the input of the tertiary energy seal by... 30 percent," she mumbled, turning the knob. The sphere in the center began to grow in size, and Tsunade nodded.

"Right... Then... Adjust containment seal E and U to 245, and 378..." She did so, and the sphere hummed, turning a bright amber color. Tsunade smiled.

"There! Seems all right... Now, we just, um..." She scowled at Sakura's handwriting in this bit. It seemed that she'd been in a rush and it had gotten sloppy.

"... Press the big... Blue button... No, red," she mumbled.

"Um, are you sure it's the red button?" The sealing expert asked. Tsunade nodded.

"Yes. Red. Definitely." She reached out and pushed the button. Sakura hadn't labeled any of the buttons on the control panel, as she'd apparently memorized what they all did. Unfortunately, rather than engage a controlled dimensional inversion in order to open a single portal up to the other universe, Tsunade had accidentally hit the button to release the full charge of the chakra capacitors into the seal array.

Tsunade didn't know this. All she knew was that the buzzing alarms, and the way the sphere in the center of the chamber seemed to be growing, were probably not good signs.

"Knew I shouldn't have come to work sober today..."

* * *

_I decided that for Christmas, you guys deserved a nice big chapter. The thing is for this story I have a huge backlog of snippets and until all that's out of the way, I can't get to new chapters. So until that's done, well, you're going to have to content yourselves with old (but unseen) content. _

_However, this does mean I'm closing down most of my other Naruto fics in order to focus on the Alt-Canon. _Stargate: Konoha_ just isn't going anywhere, until I replay _Kingdom Hearts_ or _Kingdom Hearts III _comes out I can't continue KTTH:FM, _Red Mirror _should have ended with just a few chapters before it turned into comedy, and _O Naruto, Where Art Thou? _Might continue but not in the foreseeable future (that's also the one with the most potential for conversion to something original so until I work it out completely, I'm not touching it)._

_The thing with _Naruto_ is that I love it's characters, I love it's setting, I love all of that… But the stupidity of the Post-Time Skip has made me lose interest. Don't get me wrong, it had some interesting moments: The Pein Invasion Arc brought me back; I actually cared about the characters, and some of the movies weren't bad. But it's sloppy follow up and dismissal of so many characters made me lose interest again. _

_However, it's thanks to Naruto that I have written so much fanfiction. Maybe it's vanity, but when I see the creator of the manga making dumbass mistakes with the characters I love I keep thinking to myself "You know what? I can do better." Copyright laws being what they are, I can't exactly release my own version entitled "_Naruto: Only it Doesn't Suck"._ But… The simplest ideas of the franchise, the tropes… Those can be taken. Those can be made into whole new worlds._

_That is the purpose of the Alt-Canon. To see what I can do as the crafter of _Naruto_. And in the future… Who knows? _

_I'd just like to thank all my reviewers for your support. The more you reviewed, the more I was encouraged to write. And the more I was bewildered at your tastes… But that's okay that too is educational._

_Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year, everyone._


	10. Open and Close

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Surprisingly enough, getting to Konoha was a lot easier than it was in their universe. Sakura estimated that the population of this Hi no Kuni was probably only a fourth that of theirs, at most. Which meant fewer cities, which meant fewer complex road systems. As it was, they were able to make it to Konoha in a matter of hours.

Sakura came to a halt outside the great red gates, scanning the outer walls with a frown. "Doesn't look... _too_ different, though really, not even a railway?"

"And there's no HKR base nearby," Hinata pointed out. She frowned herself. This implied that the main military muscle for Hi no Kuni was Konoha. Relying on ninjas to fight proxy warfare was, she supposed, somewhat less bloody than full scale warfare, but it also meant that little actual change occurred.

"Judging form this map I got from that peddler back there," Sakura said, looking over the document with a discerning eye, "they don't have a system of organized military bases, just a few garrisons here and there. They still probably depend on a draft system for actual full scale warfare." Sakura snorted and shook her head. "Putting everything on the ninja... It's no wonder this world is a freaking mess!"

"Sakura," Hinata admonished.

"Well c'mon! It's like everyone pins all their hopes on super-powered humans who might just decide one day to take over and crush the normal people because they have delusions of godhood! We've seen that in small nations before who rely entirely on ninjas, haven't we?"

"True, but you don't have to keep ranting about it," said Hinata with gentle firmness. Sakura growled under her breath. Hinata looked intently at her. She sighed.

"Fine… I guess it's just that with my luck, my Bizarro mother will be some kind of nefarious kunoichi who is manipulating the Hokage into a coup of Hi no Kuni."

"B-Bizarro mother?" asked Hinata, raising an elegant eyebrow. Sakura shrugged.

"I dunno... It just came to me. HEY! OPEN UP! KONOHA NINJA HERE!" The pinkhead bellowed. Two guards peered over the top of the wall.

"Identify yourself!" One of them shouted. Sakura scowled, and held up her forehead protector.

"Haruno Sakura and Hyuuga Hinata! And yes, I am fully aware that you probably already have two of them, but we're two more and we need to speak to your Hokage!"

"... Wha?" Was the guard's succinct response.

Hinata sighed, got off the bike, and moved forward, her hands open and held out to her sides to denote she was unarmed and peaceful. "I assure you, we are not here as spies. Just please, tell the Hokage that it is vitally important that we see her."

"Are you kidding? We're not letting you in! Stay right there and don't make any sudden moves!" The chuunin who was heading up the gate detail barked. Sakura frowned and glanced at Hinata, who nodded.

"They're scrambling ANBU," Hinata said softly. Sakura nodded back, trying to remain outwardly calm and business-like. She found herself envious of how Hinata could look utterly serene no matter the situation. She supposed it was her training and upbringing, but still.

Eight ANBU appeared around them, weapons out. A purple-haired one with a bear mask led them. Sakura smiled.

"Miss Yuugao!"

"Miss Yuugao?" She asked. Sakura nodded.

"We know you! At least... Look never mind. We need to see your Hokage."

"And you think we'll let you in to see her like that because...?" She prompted. Sakura grinned.

"Because I can explain why you have either an extra Sasuke or extra Naruto, of course..."

Hinata remained outwardly serene. Inside, she felt a growing dread. Above, a storm gathered and rumbled.

* * *

"Eh? A storm?" Naruto commented, looking up at a sky that had quickly turned from cheerful blue to angry gray and black. Sasuke looked too, and frowned.

"What?" He asked at Naruto's tense demeanor. The blonde shook his head.

"It's the same thing that happened when you showed up," Naruto explained. Sakura grimaced.

"More crossovers?"

"Looks like," Sasuke sighed.

"Exactly what is the other Sakura-chan doing anyway? Does she punch holes in-in reality for fun?" Naruto asked.

"Sometimes, I wonder," Sasuke admitted. "There's a reason her Bingo book entry has a "OH SHIT! RUN!" note in it..."

"Really?" Sakura asked, feeling both offended and pleased.

"Yes."

"What do they say about me?" Naruto asked eagerly. Sasuke smirked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

Before Naruto could retort, a bolt of yellow energy blasted down into Konoha about a mile distant, a crash of thunder spreading over the entire village. Sasuke growled.

"Damnit..." He turned to Sakura. "Can you get this off me?"

"But-" Sakura started, before Naruto simply took out a kunai and slashed the collar off. Sasuke nodded.

"Thanks. Come on, let's go!" He turnd and vanished. Sakura and Naruto were stopped short just for a moment.

"Damn! How'd he do that?" Naruto asked. "It was like _Shunshin_ but-"

"No time Naruto! We need to catch up!" Sakura shouted, running after Sasuke as quickly as she could. Naruto followed eagerly, already planning on asking the Nice Sasuke if he could teach him some of his moves.

The irony of another Sasuke teaching him how to bring back _his_ Sasuke was just too perfect a chance to pass up.

* * *

It had been a long day of training with Akamaru, and Inuzuka Kiba was looking forward to taking a well-deserved rest. His faithful partner and best friend whimpered a little at the storm clouds above. The dog ninja smiled and patted his friend on the head.

"Hey, relax Akamaru. Just some rain. You're not turning into some cat, are ya?"

"[No! But this storm... It smells wrong,]" Akamaru growled. Kiba frowned, and took a few, good long sniffs.

"Yeah... It does," Kiba muttered. "Someone playing around with ninjutsu, you think?"

"[Possibly, but-!]" Akamaru was cut off by a particularly powerful bolt of lightening hitting some distance away, and the resulting explosion of thunder that made the ground shake.

"Holy shit!" Kiba shouted. "What the hell...?"

That's when he smelled it. _Cat_, his nose told him. _Very confused cat..._

"[Cat? What the hell? Doesn't smell like any cat I've ever smelled before,]" Akamaru snorted. Kiba frowned.

"Yeah... Kind of like... Girl... Cat..."

And something else. Something almost enticing, exciting...

The cat or whatever it was heading here. _Fast_. So ungodly fast it would be on them in seconds and-!

"Uh oh... Akamaru, get ready to-!"

"Kiba~..." Mewled a sensual, feminine voice from behind him. Kiba jumped and swung around, eyes wide. Slinking towards him with an erection-inducing grin if he'd ever seen one, was a slim, blonde kunoichi, with...

He blinked rapidly. _Cat ears... And a tail...?_

"Kiba, why'd you have to run off," the cat-girl pouted. She grinned deviously. "Guess I'll have to... Show you the error of your ways, mmm?"

"Uh, listen lady, I don't know who you-WOAH! ACK! HEY! GET OFF! AKAMARU, HELP-MMPH!"

Akamaru had tried to intervene, but upon seeing what this female had in mind for her... "Attack" on his friend, the nin-ken decided that discretion was the better part of valor.

Besides... A _cat_ in heat after his friend? He was so _not_ getting into the middle of that. His uncle had tried it once before and it had _not_ ended well.

"[Um... Good luck, Kiba! I wish you well!]" The dog barked, before running off.

"DAMNIT AKAMARU YOU TRAITOOoooooooooohhhhhhh!"

* * *

Sakura found her amazement with the other Sasuke growing. Even the ANBU who had come out of hiding to chase the Uchiha couldn't keep up with him! She could see them, straining to catch him in the trees around them. Sakura wasn't too worried though-If a hostile intruder from the other universe had arrived, they would probably need Sasuke's help. He was so powerful and…

_Oh no you don't,_ she admonished herself. _You're past that… You're not a little fangirl anymore, you're a kunoichi._

Still, with a Sasuke out of her fantasies here… One who hadn't fallen to Orochimaru… Could she be blamed for regressing a bit? Just a bit

That's when she heard screaming. Naruto accelerated as fast as he could go, chakra flowing through his limbs. Sakura copied the maneuvered, boosting her speed as high as it could go. They both skidded to an abrupt halt next to Sasuke at the entrance to a cleared training field.

_Why does he have a hand over his eyes?_ Sakura thought. She looked at the center… And turned bright red.

"What the... Hell...?" Naruto asked in a soft voice.

Sasuke sighed. "Nii Yugito..."

"Who?" Sakura asked.

"Two-Tailed Cat container... And the girlfriend of Inuzuka in my Konoha." Sasuke removed his hand and raised an eyebrow at the... Happenings in front of him. Naruto gawked, and tilted his head. Sakura felt a drop of blood leaving her nostril and hurriedly wiped it away before anyone could notice. By the slight smirk on Sasuke's face, however, she knew he'd seen it.

That made her blush all the darker, and she tried to shift his attention away from it.

"How can she-?"

"Feline agility," Sasuke explained. Naruto tilted his head back the other way.

"But why-?"

"She's in heat, dumbass. Cats go into heat, they seek out their mates, and they fuck like rabbits... Or cats and dogs," Sasuke explained simply. Naruto gulped.

"Er... Um..."

"No, I don't know if the Kyuubi does the same thing," Sasuke commented. Sakura felt a profound disappointment she tried to shove to the back of her mind. Sasuke shrugged and turned around, looking perfectly composed.

"I don't think so... It's never given any signs of being particularly interest in sex that I know of. Then again, my Naruto hasn't spoken a lot about it..."

"Urgh... Nah... Um..." Naruto's brain was trying to form words, but apparently the sight of... Of... _That_, and Kiba doing... _That_, with a girl who had cat ears and a tail... Sakura could not really blame him. She whacked his shoulder and got him to turn to look at Sasuke instead.

"Are those things re-?"

"Don't know. Never asked. I think it's a henge of some kind." Sasuke sighed and shook his head again. He looked nonchalantly at the ANBU now staring at the spectacle above.

"Oi, ANBU. She should be finished in a few hours, but trust me; she's no threat unless you get between her and nookie."

The ANBU slowly nodded. One even pulled out a camera.

"I wonder what Kiba's family will say," Sakura murmured. Sasuke smirked.

"If they're anything like the ones back home...? It'll certainly be _interesting_," he finished with a truly deadly smirk. The kind that sent a flash of heat right through Sakura.

_No, no, don't even think about it…!_

"Ah… Uzumaki, Haruno… Uchiha," an ANBU said. Sasuke looked over at him expectantly, the air of command around his shoulders.

"Yes ANBU?"

"There appears to be another Haruno and Hinata Hyuuga outside the main gates… Would you know anything about this?" He asked. Sasuke sighed.

"Unfortunately yes," he replied. He looked over at Sakura and Naruto. "Care to come along? Meet yourself?"

"Two Sakura-chans? This, I've gotta see," Naruto said with a grin. "Let's go, come on Sakura-chan!"

"Ah, r-right," Sakura said. She turned around, her back to the rutting couple. She glanced up at the ANBU with the camera, and resolved to find him again so she could get a copy.

Just for medical purposes, she assured herself. It wasn't every day you got to see a demon container having sex. It could be very, _very_ interesting… For science! Yes! For science…

* * *

"Look you ignorant screw heads! We need to see your Hokage right away! The fate of two universes might be in jeopardy, and I don't have time for your ridiculous paranoia!" Sakura snarled. Yuugao was glaring behind her mask, Hinata just knew it.

"Please tell me why I should believe such an unlikely story from such a bad imitation of Haruno Sakura? Alternate universes? Dimensional portables?" The ANBU asked, the rest of her task force surrounding them. Hinata uncomfortably noticed that more ANBU had arrived, hiding in the trees.

"_Portals_," Sakura spoke angrily. "If you're not smart enough to say the words _correctly_, then don't say them at all!"

"This is rich, coming from an impostor who obviously doesn't know the first thing about what she's doing," Yuugao replied.

"Please, Miss Yuugao, we really need to-"

"Not _now_, Hinata," Sakura snapped. "Look, it is _vital_ we talk to the Hokage!"

"And you are not giving me enough evidence to care one way or the other," Yuugao snorted.

"It is a pretty impressive copy job though, ma'am," one ANBU, an eagle mask, commented. "Except for one thing."

"What's that?"

"Haruno's chest isn't that small."

There was dead silence as a terrible, terrible killer intent fell upon them all. Hinata lost her composure long enough to bring a palm to her forehead, as Sakura slowly turned to look at the ANBU in question, green eyes blazing in repressed fury.

"What... _Did you... JUST SAY?_"

The ANBU gulped. "Ah, er... Th-That you were... Your chest... Um..."

Sakura stood up from her bike, allowing it to return to its sealing scroll. As if by magic, her Lightening Gun, bomb launcher and a volley of Saku-bombs were out in her hands. Her face contorted into a furious, demonic glare as her eyes seemed to glow. Hinata could swear the sun got dimmer and the air became chilly.

"Nobody… But _nobody…_ _BUT NOBODY… MAKES… FUN… OF… MY-!"_

Sakura's eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she fell flat on her face, her numerous weapons falling onto the ground. The ANBU collectively blinked behind their masks as Hinata lowered her hands and sighed.

"I am sorry. I will do penance later," she murmured to the unconscious Sakura, clapping her hands together and bowing. She looked up at the ANBU with a pleasant smile.

"Please forgive her: that is a sore subject with her. Perhaps you could arrange a-"

Sakura's hand squeezed the trigger of her launcher in an unconscious reflex, and a Saku-Bomb shot forth. Yuugao jumped out of the way of the missile's path as it arched right for the gates of Konoha. Hinata's eyes widened.

"Son of a Mother Duck-"

* * *

Across the dimensional divide, the HKR 20th Infantry Regiment, part of the 2nd Infantry Division of the Republic of Fire Army, had taken up position around Sakura's Hadron Collider, located on the outskirts of Konoha near Training Area 77. The regiment had been assigned to Konoha alongside the 5th Cavalry Regiment and the 18th Artillery Regiment, all of the same Division, following the Sand/Sound invasion almost two years prior. At first deployed to repel a follow-up assault by the Kaze no Kuni Army itself, the deployed regiments had remained due to the build up in hostilities all over the continent in light of Akatsuki's continuing activities, and to allow Konoha to pull off many of it's ninja from guard duty to contribute to standard missions.

The strange sphere of yellow light had only recently grown bigger than the cave, swirling and crackling with massive energies that every man and woman could feel. Storm clouds slowly circled above, rotating with the spinning sphere.

The command post for the HKR forces was an entrenched tent, quickly built by the regiment's engineers. In it, Tsunade, a number of members of her staff, the Division commander General Umake Kensuke, and Councilwoman Haruno Sachiko met over a planning table. Shugotenshi 3, Sarutobi Asuma, soon entered with a sigh.

"I've communicated our situation to the Daiten himself," Asuma stated. Umake, an old, grizzled veteran of numerous border wars and the last large-scale conflict on the Elemental continent, looked at him expectantly.

The son of the former Hokage sighed. "They're scrambling every sealing master they can find who might be able to shed some light on what that girl's done now."

"Any thoughts so far?" Umake asked. Sarutobi shook his head.

"Nothing."

Umake couldn't help his scowl at the Hokage, who looked a bit sheepish. "Why didn't you wait for support from us?"

"I followed the directions Sakura left for me to the letter!" Tsunade protested. "Before things got this bad, this was a simple, _internal_ Konohagakure matter, and I had jurisdiction."

"Fine lot of good that's doing us now!" Umake snarled. "Twelve of my men have already vanished into thin air just being _near_ that thing!"

"And at least four of my ninja have gone missing too!" Tsunade growled.

"They wouldn't BE missing if you had just followed proper procedure for catastrophic events-!"

"And what exactly do you propose we do, General? Blow up the collider?" Tsunade snorted.

"That _may_ have been an option before you messed things up!" Umake growled. "Now that damn thing's got so much raw chakra energy, it could blow a crater a mile wide if we tried to destroy the collider-!"

"Yes! Yes, I attempted to shut it down following the instructions provided by its creator! Apparently, something went wrong!"

"Something _you_ caused-!"

"Please, Lady Hokage, General," Sachiko spoke up, calmly but firmly. "We need to focus on the problem at hand, and bickering will _not_ help us."

Tsunade and Umake shared one last glare, before nodding. Sachiko looked over at Tsunade.

"Lady Hokage. Have you been able to determine the source of the collider's power?"

"Normally, chakra capacitor seals, even ones made by your daughter, couldn't be putting out this much raw energy," Tsunade sighed. "At least, that's what my sealing expert says." She shook her head. "Either she tapped into some kind of underground chakra source, or something entirely different due to whatever she did."

"Which was?" Umake prompted. Tsunade glanced over the large sheaf of notes Sakura had left her.

"Differing planar interactions among charged quantum energy fields," she said. At everyone's blank looks, Tsunade sighed.

"She was attempting to open singularities... Mini-blackholes, to connect with similar singularities occurring in different universes."

"Different universes?" Haruno asked. Umake nodded.

"It was in a book by some chakra physicist... Name of Takakai, was it?"

Haruno nodded.

"Yes, I remember now. He postulated that, thanks to neutral chakra field sealing we could observe the interactions between sub-atomic particles and quantum fields. Since certain kinds of particles pop in and out of space-time all the time, Takakai suggested that these particles might be phasing in and out of our universe into others," explained Sachiko. "One way they might do it would be through black holes."

"So, this girl opened a portal to another universe?" Asked Umake. He frowned. "Is there any way to know just what kind of universe it is?"

"Could be any number of differences between our universe and that universe," Haruno said. "Different laws of physics, different dominant species evolved on the planet... Take your pick."

The radio crackled. _"Hello, this is Sexy Toad to Slug Babe, Sexy Toad to Slug Babe. Hey Hime, pick up. Over."_

Tsunade rolled her eyes and picked up the radio. "Jiraiya? What do you have, over?"

The sound of wind was heard over Jiraiya's voice.

_"Well, I managed to get one of my summons close to the seal array below the sphere,_" Jiraiya said. _"Tight fit... Had to use one of my smallest. Over._"

"What have you got? Over," Tsunade asked.

"_If I can find one of the stabilizer stones, I might be able to adjust it, see if I can burn off some of the excess energy,"_ Jiraiya said.

"Lord Jiraiya, I suggest you wait for some support from my division's sealing section," Umake said. Jiraiya snorted.

_"And how much more would they know about seals than I?_"

Umake sighed. Tsunade couldn't help a small smirk. While she had no real grudge against the General, he had made his preference for his own troops over hers quite clear. Still, he at least could be reasoned with, unlike Danzou.

Danzou, who was fortunately locked away with the rest of the Council in a safe location in reaction to the crisis.

"See what you can do, Jiraiya, but be careful," Tsunade ordered. Jiraiya chuckled over the radio.

_"When am I not, Hime?"_

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Tsunade asked with a smirk.

_"... Probably not,_" Jiraiya allowed. _"All right... I'm going to try this... And...!_"

* * *

A bright flash of yellow light, a crack of thunder, and Jiraiya found himself standing in the Hokage's office, a stunned Tsunade staring at him. He coughed.

"Well... That wasn't it," he said. He held up his hands with a winning smile. "I come in peace?"

"... J-J-Jiraiya?" She gaped in utter disbelief. Jiraiya coughed, and nodded.

"Yes...? What? You look like you've seen a-!"

Tsunade smashed through her desk and wrapped the shocked Jiraiya up in a rib-crushing hug.

"URK!"

"You stupid idiot! You goddamned perverted, heroic IDIOT!" She roared. Jiraiya stared in shock at this affectionate, frightened, happy to see him Tsunade... And grinned.

_Oh yeah... Jackpot._

_

* * *

_

_They are all coming together now. Then the real story will begin._


	11. Pieces from the Box

_Alternative Canon Crossover_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: __I do not own _Naruto, _nor am I making profit off of this._

_Author's Note:__ The problem with being creative is having so many damn ideas. This one in particular, the Alternative Canon, was an attempt by me to totally rewrite the _Naruto_ universe in a unique and different way. I have many ideas for it and articles and thought experiments, but I couldn't pull it together into one story. The focus was always on the contrasts between the Alt-Canon and the normal Canon. So, I decided to use that as the impetus for writing a story, where the two universes meet._

_This is set before Pein's invasion of Konoha._

_

* * *

_

Sasuke, for his part, was glad that Konoha's basic layout was more or less the same. His Konoha had a bigger population and a bit more signs of industry here and there, but other than that they were the same. Even the Hokage Monument was identical, save for Tsunade's face. It hadn't been added yet in his Konoha.

Sasuke, however, had the unfortunate inkling that if he didn't hurry, then this Konoha would have another significant difference from his: Lots of charming ruins and craters.

"Would you-huff-Just-huff-SLOW DOWN ALREADY?" Naruto shouted. Sasuke finally skidded to a halt a few meters away from the Konoha gates, Naruto barely managing to stop behind him. The blond growled angrily.

"Damnit Sasuke, what the hell did you stop for-?"

_**KABOOM!**_

Naruto and the ANBU who had followed (as well as a blushing Sakura, who had arrived late from watching Kiba and Yugito) stared with jaws to the ground as the great gates of Konoha blew apart in a fiery explosion. Though the smoke and flames, two ANBU were thrown in, rolling and tumbling like dice to a halt in front of Sasuke and Naruto.

One of them was a familiar, purple-haired woman, who groaned and slowly got up.

"What... The Hell... WAS THAT?" She exclaimed. Sasuke sighed and shook his head.

"That would be Haruno Sakura," he mumbled.

"What'd she do?" Naruto asked.

"Someone commented on her chest, I'm afraid," spoke a strangely familiar voice. Naruto looked to this right and jumped in shock as Hinata Hyuuga stood next to him, supporting an unconscious Sakura Haruno. The young woman looked at Naruto, Sasuke, and the other Sakura with a cautious smile.

"Hello Sasuke, Sakura... N-Naruto," Hinata said to them. She stared at Naruto for a time, which made him fidget.

"Um... Hi Hinata! How are you?" He asked. Hinata blushed and shrugged.

"All right, I-I suppose... It's just been a bit of a difficult day," she replied. Yugao growled at the unconscious Sakura, but stopped short in her advance on the troublesome kunoichi by a firm look from Hinata.

"She is my comrade, as difficult as it can be at times," she stated. "I will take responsibility for her. She will cause no further problems under my care, I give you my word as the heiress of the Hyuuga," she said.

"She just blew me and my men up! Why the hell should I trust you?" Yugao demanded.

"Because only someone who wished to do grave dishonor to the Hyuuga clan would dare question one's integrity," spoke a loud voice over the yells of chuunin rushing to put out the flames. Everyone's eyes rose to a nearby tree, where two more damnably familiar faces could be found: One of a wryly grinning Naruto Uzumaki, the other of an unconscious Sasuke Uchiha.

The conscious Sakura's hands went to the front of her mouth as she stared at her-_their_ Sasuke. Her Naruto gaped in disbelief. The other Hinata just smiled.

"There is no need for you to defend my honor, N-Naruto," she spoke.

"No, there isn't, but you know that's never stopped me before," he said with a warmth in his eyes unfamiliar to the Naruto and Sakura of this world. The Sasuke of their world sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Well… We're all in this together then, huh?"

"Would you prefer it any other way?" The other Naruto asked.

"It'd be a lot quieter," the other Sasuke grumbled.

"Can someone explain WHAT the hell is going on?" The Naruto of this world demanded. "I mean, another me, another you, _my_ you, and her-I-it-ARGH!"

"It's been that kind of a day for all of us, Naruto, believe me," the other world's Sasuke spoke. "Maybe we can figure this out, in conference with the Hokage?"

"Is anyone paying me the slightest bit of attention?" Demanded Yugao. Sasuke glanced over at her, and shrugged.

"Sorry, no," he said. "Perhaps you should get used to it, my dear."

* * *

_Across the dimensional divide…_

"The situation is getting out of hand," General Umake stated. He shook his head. "Already, we're getting reports that more ninja and more of my troops are vanishing. Jiraiya himself got sucked into the damn thing!"

"That doesn't mean we just blow it up!" Tsunade growled. "Not without trying to gain access to the other side to rescue our people!"

"I'm not _saying_ we blow it up," Umake growled. "I'm _saying_ that we need to get this thing contained. Whatever Jiraiya did caused the damn thing to flare with power for a few seconds, but it then seemed to grow smaller. Do you agree, Captain Sarutobi?"

All eyes turned to the Shugotenshi member. They were trained to have some of the finest, most acute chakra senses of any person in the Fire Republic. He sighed and shook his head.

"It seems like it has... Less power, but not much," he admitted. "And we don't happen to have a spare Jiraiya on hand."

"Well, what did he say he was doing? Adjusting the stabilizer stones for the seal array?" Umake pressed.

"Yes, and look what happened! How many people do you want to sacrifice in order to try and get at them?" Tsunade demanded. Haruno cleared her throat.

"What about puppet users?" She asked. Everyone stared at her for a second. She shrugged.

"Send in a puppet user with his puppets, and try to use Sakura's notes to adjust the stones in the proper way to burn off excess energy," she continued. "That way, hopefully they won't get caught up if there's another flare up."

Dead silence. Sachiko looked around, and blinked.

"... None of you thought of that?" She asked. Umake coughed. Tsunade looked a bit embarrassed. Asuma just sighed.

"... Call up Gaara, tell him to get Kankuro here as fast as he can," Tsunade finally said. Umake grumbled under his breath, even as Asuma tried hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

* * *

"Lieutenant!"

Lieutenant 2nd Class Ishida Rei turned her head from the injured private before her, Kazairu Jun. When the yellow light had hit, the private had been sitting in a tree, rifle trained on the glowing sphere. When the light faded, he found himself falling from a much higher height onto a series of jagged rocks.

"What is it, Private?" Ishida asked flatly, finishing her bandaging of Kazairu's leg. Private Yui Rin skidded to a halt in front of her, breathing hard.

"I've scouted out to half a kilo west and north, sir. We've got nothing," she reported. "No hostiles, no signs of our unit-We're not even in Konoha anymore." She bit her lower lip. "Complete wilderness, sir."

The brown-haired officer sighed and looked at Jun. The younger man was gritting his teeth against obvious pain.

"Can you walk, Private?"

"Think so, sir," he gasped out. With Ishida's help, he got up, struggling to stay up. Rin handed him his rifle and he leaned against it, gasping out loud.

"O-Ow..."

"We're not going to cover a lot of ground with him like this, sir," Rin pointed out.

"I know Private, I know," Ishida said. She sighed. "Great way to start your first tour, huh?"

"Giant ball of glowy doom?" Jun asked. He shrugged. "Worse ways, I suppose, sir."

"Well..." Rei closed her eyes and focused. She winced as a large flare of chakra washed over her senses. "I can feel something big going down nearby."

"What?" Rin asked. She tensed. "Shit! I felt that too!"

"M-Me too," Jun groaned. Rei shook her head and pulled one of Jun's arms over her shoulder.

"Well, it's the only lead we have so far," she said. "And for all we know, it might be friendlies engaged." She ran her hand over her weapons-Her officer's sword, her pistol, her grenades were all there. She checked her two troops.

Jun was a rifleman, handed one of the new breech loading guns that were manufactured locally. He was a crack shot and fast reloader, and with the spare pistols on his belt he had a fair amount of firepower available. Rin was a fairly average infantrywoman-A revolver rifle and a _tanto_ for close range combat. In the world of chakra-enhanced conventional troops, muzzle loading rifles were, for the most part, utterly useless. The faster you could reload the better. In addition, the more complicated your weapon, the more likely it was to break down.

Ergo, revolving magazines were the mainstay for most military guns. Revolvers weren't as accurate as breech-loading rifles but they were faster to fire.

"Okay... We'll head towards the brawl, but just close enough to see what's going on," Rei decided. "Maybe some of our guys also ended up... Wherever here is, so we can meet up with them too."

"Yes sir," both Jun and Rin said. Rei nodded.

"Rin, take point. Let's go..."

* * *

The Hokage's office was completely destroyed. The desk, the chairs, even the carpet was in terrible shape.

Cuddled in the middle of it was a grinning Jiraiya and a purring, content Tsunade.

_Best. Experiment. Ever._

Seriously, he was going to get his Sakura a gift. The best gift he could find. Hell, he'd fund her research on this!

"Mmm..." Tsunade nuzzled him with a soft sigh. Jiraiya rubbed her back, and looked up at the ceiling. It abruptly occurred to him that either the Jiraiya here would be unhappy about him shacking up with his Tsunade, or... Something had happened to this world's Jiraiya.

Judging from the desperate nature of the sex, he was leaning towards the latter.

So... It really, really broke his heart to have to say this, but... He had to.

"Tsunade..."

"Mm?" She mumbled.

Jiraiya took a deep breath.

"... I'm not the Jiraiya you know."

"..." Tsunade sat up and stared at him. The Sannin coughed, and ran a hand through his short, spiky hair and over his ponytail. He then quickly explained what had happened, leaving nothing out.

Tsunade stared at him intently, silently. Jiraiya coughed.

_This feels uncomfortable... Damn my conscience, damn it to hell!_ The last thing he wanted to do was shatter Hime's heart any more than it already had been.

It was at this point Tsunade's fist met his temple, and sent him flying through a wall.

"... And suddenly, this world is incredibly familiar," he murmured wryly. He stood up, and (ignoring the gawking ANBU) walked back into the office as Tsunade furiously got dressed. He too pulled on his clothing, not saying anything until Tsunade had everything back on. He couldn't help his slight smile though-She had hit him. She wouldn't have done that unless she was feeling better.

"... So... This portal thing... It's pulling in more things from your world?" She asked. Jiraiya nodded.

"Yeah... I got pulled in. I have no doubt that it might be getting worse. I was able to adjust a stabilization stone but it just sucked me into it."

"What can we do on this end?" Tsunade asked. Jiraiya shrugged.

"Well, we could find the cavern where Sakura-Our Sakura-built hers, and see what we can do with it. Advanced interdimensional physics is more her thing, but I know my seals. I've seen hers before as well."

Tsunade nodded stiffly. "That's good. Do it."

There was silence for a while. Jiraiya wasn't quite able to move, not yet. Tsunade stared back, unable to make a sound.

"Don't worry about it," he said. He gave her a wink. "After all... What you love, you must set free, right?"

"..." Tsunade sighed and sat back in the only not-destroyed chair in the office. She looked at him with sad eyes.

"I... I don't know..." She trailed off. Jiraiya walked over and rested his hands on her shoulders. She looked up.

"He'd have stayed for you in a heartbeat, you know," he said softly. "All you had to do was ask."

"... I... I couldn't..." Tsunade closed her eyes. "But now...?"

Jiraiya sighed, and pulled her into a hug. She stiffened in his embrace, but it didn't last. She wrapped her arms around him back, and pressed her face against his chest.

"It's all right," Jiraiya said softly. "He'd never blame you for what happened... And he'd know why you didn't ask."

For the first time in a very long time, Tsunade found tears pouring from her eyes. Jiraiya sent a pulse of chakra to warn the ANBU off, and stayed with her until she finished.

After all... No matter what universe it happened to be, Tsunade was still Tsunade.

* * *

_The table is set, the players have arrived. All that is needed is the play to begin. After that comes the dinner…_


End file.
